With my second baby I was able to have a natural, vaginal birth that I really wanted. My first birth was a C-section, and I felt so disconnected during the whole process of labor and birth.
 
In preparation for this birth I set time aside with myself. I took time for how I was feeling and my body was feeling. I had never done this before. The MamaBebe class helped me to connect with myself and to touch base with the baby.
 
The individual session we did together also made an enormous difference for me. The private session gave me a new way to handle stress. Whenever I was stressed out, I wrapped the baby in golden light and said to her: mommy has some work she has to do; you are safe. Then I let my emotions out; crying, angry or stressed. Then when I was finished, I was done with being stressed and was able to reconnect with baby.
 
Leading up to the pregnancy, I did lots of movements from the class; hip rolling, rocking and squatting. I was physically stronger and more comfortable in those positions. My body knew what to do. I got familiar with the sensations, stretching or tingling, so it was not a shock to my body to use these positions during contractions.  With the birth ball I did lots of moaning and releasing every day in the last month.  I practiced a lot of activities from the class and workshop; relaxing my mouth, jaw and perineum; and bringing voice into deep moans and groans.
 
When I had braxton hicks contractions that were very painful; I immediately went down into my gut. I kept thinking open, relax. It’s not false labor; it’s very early labor and you are doing it!
 
The main helpful things were birth balls, voice and sing-a-longs that got me in touch with different sounds I could make that I might not usually do. I was able to not be embarassed. I didn’t worry about my body needing to make sounds or to move to be able to birth well.  I got confidence in my voice.
 
The birth ball came with me into labor. I spent a lot of time on the ball rocking my hips. It was very good for contractions. In class I learned how to use the birth ball, how to get into the movement; to open my legs and roll in big circles.
 
In the couples workshops I did a lot of rocking back and forth. Then in the birth I did lots of rocking in the bed. I had music for the birth, but I really didn’t want any distractions like voices or music, because I was so in touch with the baby. It was so wonderful to have my birth team at the workshop because that is when we came together as a team. It helped me to trust them even more. Meetings with them were good, but in the workshop we all moved together with the same goal, having the baby birth naturally. I could do movement, and they did it with me. I felt more confident and not embarrassed. Then I knew that they were really with me.
 
Going into the birth, I knew I could trust my body and the birth process. I learned a lot from talking with people and got a lot of ideas, but it really meant a lot more to actually practice activities in preparation for birth. I learned how to relax my jaw, my perineum, my hips, to let myself dance. Really the dance we did in class was the same as the dance of labor. The birth was about finding the dance of labor. How can I find my own rhythm, whatever it might be? In labor, this experience let me move around freely, move my hips, my arms, my legs. It was so much a part of my labor. My team moved with me, they really followed and supported me. My doula was so encouraging. When I made deep sounds, she would say, ‘that’s just right’. In the most painful contractions, a deep fast chant came out. It was just what was needed. I didn’t have any medication or drugs. Not even an IV (intravenous) set-up, which is standard procedure for VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarian).
 
I couldn’t have done my birth like I wanted to without your class. When I took your class, I found out what I wanted and how I wanted to do it; How to get in touch with my body. Your class taught me how to meditate, the rhythms, the dance of labor, how to be in touch with my body, how not to be embarrassed. There was such a variety of music. Some women may need a fast way of vocalizing. I had different pitches for every part of labor. They were all there. It is so easy to say your body knows how to birth. But you need to have confidence. Before taking this class, I would have the thought, ‘I trust my body,’ but inside I would wonder how am I going to do it. What you gave me was the direct experience and awesome ability to believe in myself.
 
Our work one-on-one prepared me for the birth because I think I would have gotten to a point that I would have stalled in labor. My early childhood experience of being left in isolation in the hospital probably would have stalled this birth just like the first birth. I would have had abandonment issues that would have threatened my progress of labor.
 
Now I know why I have an intense pain in my chest when my parents leave from a visit. When I was two years old I was hospitalized for days and days. Hospital policy didn’t allow my mother to be with me overnight and except during limited visiting hours. I’ve always had a fear of hospitals, but I didn’t even know this was an issue until we did the private session together. Now I can connect all the pieces; my experience of age two, my feelings about separation from my parents, how my first birth went.
 
In my first birth, my baby never descended so I had to have a C-section. Something kept my first baby up. I just couldn’t trust the situation; beyond any understanding I just felt that I would be abandoned. So parts of me were hanging on. Somehow I felt, I cannot birth this baby because nobody will be here for me or if I let go of the baby I would be abandoned.
 
When we got together for the private session, I didn’t even know why I was coming to your house.  I just knew that I was having panic attacks and that the first birth was so difficult. Coming to your house I felt different, like on the verge of crying.  You asked me, where did I feel the panic in my body, and then you held me there around my heart. Then the memories all came up. I had to relive the experience of being two years old; you held me and made me feel safe. You asked me, what do you want to say to your parents or mom. I remember being awake all night alone at the hospital and crying. When my mom asked the next day how I was, the nurse told my mom that I slept just fine. You asked what do I want to say to your mom? Why did you leave me? It was such a healing to be with these feelings and to let myself speak what was true for me. It changed everything. I’m not only that little girl. I’m not helpless. I can act and speak for myself now.
 
Going into labor, I never had a doubt that this second baby would birth naturally. I was so confident. I had so much support from ICAN (International Caesarian Awareness Network), the Childbirth Collective and your doulas and La Leche League. But your class was the place I learned movement, meditation and awareness. You can’t get the breath and movement awareness from other sources. I talk about you all the time. It was amazing.
 
My two year old daughter now is in a creative movement class. It’s not set steps. They use different music & movement with drums, feathers, streamers, sponges and textured balls. It’s really rich full movements for a two year old.
 
Birth is a natural event, but we need to feel comfortable with sounds and movements. Your body will make moves you never may have made. You need to take responsibility for the power that comes out of your body. You have to own it; it’s you. There’s a lot of pressure on us to look a certain way, to sound a certain way, to smell a certain way. You have to be comfortable with yourself totally. It takes work. And I had to work and practice with my husband so he understood what I was doing. There was nothing better than when he would hug me and say, You are awesome.
 
In the couples workshop I can tell you it was hard for him. He liked meditating and when we all moved together, but not when the attention was all on us as a couple. But through the workshop he felt more connected with the birthing team. It really helped him to feel connected with me for the birth. Going to the collective meetings and asking questions helped him too. He did it for me. He asked what we did after every one of my classes. I was uncomfortable for him, for the feeling of being a clueless man. It was so much better that he knew what sounds and movements I would be doing so when it came to the birth I wouldn’t worry about what he was thinking. I only took four classes, but I got so much out of those classes.
 
I read 15 books to prepare for the birth. I was studying. I wanted this experience. It changed my life. There is nothing I could do in my life that would be as empowering except another birth. I learned about myself in ways that are indescribable. You have to enter it with a certain frame of mind. Your class taught me how to get into that frame of mind. The movement part was so huge. You just connect with different parts of your body and of yourself.
 
What you offer is priceless. But women still have to practice and work at it to make it happen for themselves, to make it their own.